Online Dating Site success?When to use the L Word
Saying, "I love you," out loud for the first time can be a meaningful interaction or an awkward, scary moment. It all depends on whether or not the both of you are ready for it. Bring it up too early in the dating cycle and fear may cut short what could have turned into a wonderful long-term relationship. Put it off too long, besides causing some awkwardness and anxiety between you, can make one of the partners decide it's not worth waiting any longer and looking elsewhere. So how do you know the time is right?
First of all, let me just interject a brief aside here. While traditionally it is the guy who asks the girl on a date, says "I love you" for the first time, and ultimately proposes, this no longer needs to be the case. All you girls out there, you too can broach the "l" word when you think you're both ready. There's no need to wait around for him to do it, and he'll likely even be relieved that you're taking that pressure and responsibility off of him.
The right time in a relationship to mention love for the first time obviously varies from case to case, but there are a few basic things to think about.
- Do you miss the other person when he/she is not around? Now, I'm not just talking here about lusting after your partner, but really missing their company, their presence, their conversation.
- Have you made a point of introducing each other to your friends? If you don't have a sincere desire to share other parts of your life and prefer to keep your significant other compartmentalized, you might want to continue waiting on the "l" phrase. I don't mean to say that you have to have started doing everything together. I'm not talking codependency here, just a desire to share other parts of your lives.
- Are silences comfortable between you, or do you feel the need to fill up all the spaces with idle comments? Being able to be quiet together is a real sign that you are connecting and ready to bring up love.
- Could you imagine staying together for a significant period of time? This is not to say you need to be ready for marriage or any other long-term commitment! That may still be a long way off! It's just a matter of asking yourself if you think a longer-term relationship is even conceivable. If not, maybe love is the wrong word to be thinking about.
- Are you willing to explore each other's interests? I don't mean to imply that you have to become an avid sports fan, start watching all the new chick flicks that come out, or begin collecting comic books. But do you want to and are you willing to try out and explore each other's interests just to better understand where each is coming from? If not, maybe you're not as ready for love as you think you are.
As I said before, it's not a strict scientific formula, but if you said yes to all or most of these questions you and your partner are probably ready to bring up the "l" word. And in that case, congratulations! Finding love is something to cherish and appreciate. Acknowledging it out loud for the first time is a momentous, exhilarating time in a relationship. Make the most of this wonderful experience (but no pressure!). If you decide that you may not be ready to exchange, "I love yous," don't worry. Enjoy whatever stage your relationship is in. Life is not about concrete steps and forcing your experiences to fit a certain mold. Live, love, and dance like nobody's watching!
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