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Placing an online dating site ad for a friend: Good or bad?
Dear Alexandria,
I need some online dating advice for one of my best guy friends who's really the perfect man. He's nice, considerate, and reasonably attractive. He cooks (more than I do actually!), is willing to clean, and goes out of his way to do nice things for others. With varied hobbies from watching movies (including chick flicks) to hiking, he is also a great conversationalist and we never run out of things to talk about. Now, I'm already married, so I'm not going to date him, but I was thinking about posting an online dating site ad on his behalf. Is it wrong to use online dating sites like this? Do you think posting an online dating site ad from me might actually work? I'm not too worried about his opinion on using an online dating site. It's for his own good!
Online Dating Site (for a friend) Wannabe
Dear Online Dating Site Wannabe,
Let me tackle your questions one at a time. First of all, I do not believe writing an online dating site ad for your friend is bad as long as you are clear about NOT being him. Make sure you explicitly state that you are posting the online dating site ad for this wonderful friend of yours as a concerned third-party.
As for whether or not this type of online dating site ad might work for your guy friend, I don't see why not. If I was searching through the ads on an online dating site I would think that your posting speaks highly of this guy. You have to be really sweet to get one of your girl friends to post an online dating site ad for you. My only hesitation as someone reading an online dating site ad designed by someone other than the man in question would be the potential embarassment of having to write to YOU instead of HIM. I would think it's worth a shot though!
My final thought on your online dating site ad proposition is this. You might want to at least float the idea out to your wonderful guy friend. If you should receive some positive responses to your online dating site ad, you wouldn't want your hard work to be wasted when you friend refuses to meet and/or communicate with these girls! You could always mention the idea of posting an online dating site ad for a friend as a hypothetical scenario and see what he says.
However it works out, good luck with your online dating site ad, and I hope your perfect guy realizes what wonderful friend YOU are!
Love Always,
Alexandria
Dating a younger man and how to break it to his family
Dear Alexandria,
I have been dating the greatest man for a little over a year now. I actually met him, of all places, through an online dating site (something it took me a couple of years to work up the courage to do). He's smart; he has a great job. We both love old movies and, most importantly, he seems to love my cat! This is vital to any possible long-term relationship for me. So what's the catch? The only problem is that he's 10 years younger than me. I'm 45 and he's 35. We both live far from our families and haven't yet had a chance to meet. And recently, the situation became even more complicated. He proposed to me on my birthday a few weeks ago. It was very romantic...candlelight, roses.... But now telling his family about me and my older woman status is even more pressing, and frightening! Do you have any words of wisdom for me, Alexandria? What will I do if his family won't accept me?
Anxiously in love
Dear Anxious,
Congratulations on finding the love of your life. Having already found him is the hardest part. So the first thing I have to say is rejoice in the happiness you have found with each other. If you ever have a moment, could you please drop me a line and let me know which online dating site led to your relationship success? For now, on to the practical side of your question. While you and I obviously understand that the difference in age between 35 and 45 doesn't have to mean anything. If you two are compatible (and it seems that you are), then age becomes irrelevant. Your families, his in particular, may feel differently.
What I would recommend for the smoothest possible introduction between you and his family is this. Plan a trip to visit his family (rather than having them come to you). If you haven't already mentioned the engagement, don't say anything just yet. Go see his family and let them come to understand that, regardless of your slightly older status, you love their son and you're a wonderful addition to his life. Then, once they've gotten to know you a bit, you and your fiance should announce your engagement. This way his family is comfortable in their home territory, they have had time to get to know you a bit (so that you're less threatening), and they don't have to digest your presence and your engagement all at once. Good luck with the whole enterprise and let me know how it goes!
Love Always,
Alexandria
